I’m losing faith

I’m pretty much losing all faith in myself. For five years now I have struggled with depression. I’m one of those people that always have a front, have walls built up around me, afraid of being hurt, and when I am hurt…I hide it. Relationship after Relationship has failed, I can’t seem to pass anything, and I pretty much feel like a failure. What I thought were friends are all against me now, coming up with cruel lies about me. 

I had pretty traumatic events happen to me this past year, I was raped and accused of lying about it. The friends I had gained from this person no longer like me, everyone is trying to ruin my current relationship, I’m just losing all faith in myself. I always wonder what did I do to deserve this? Why me? Where did I go so wrong? Why does bad always happen to the good?It’s something I will never understand. 

Because of this, I’m afraid of losing the one person that I’m actually happy with, the one person I want to be with. It’d do anything for this guy, I don’t want to lose him…I honestly don’t think he understands how much he means to me….the world. He really does. We may fight, argue, and disagree but he makes me happy beyond belief. I don’t want to lose that feeling he gives me. 

I miss home, I really do. A part of me wants to go back to florida SO bad. Nothing is really stopping me..besides myself. It’s just hard to leave somewhere what I thought could be my home while I’m in college.

Speaking of college, I’m not even doing well in classes with all the stress I’ve been feeling, dealing with, hiding my emotions, and pain. I just want to go back to being a carefree child. I’m tired of the stress, being hurt……I don’t know..my mind is all over…I just don’t know..

 

I just want to be done…with life..so stressful….

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One thought on “I’m losing faith

  1. I have just have this to say. Try not to be overprotective of someone whom you love so dearly and whom you need by your side for years or decades to come. Without you realising, you may actually driving your SO apart. When we are down in the dumps, we might emotionally cling hard to our personal angel for solace and happiness. Overdoing it might hurt the angel. Take care.

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